It has been many years since I have come to type on this platform of mine. It is interesting how fast time can get away from you. I haven't written much on my computer but instead have started journaling nearly every day. A lot has changed since I last sat here to type. I am in a new city. I have new friends. I have a completely new daily routine. I even have new dogs. A new life, entirely.
It took the last couple of years for me to find myself. To find the "me" that was underneath all the societal and family influences. I cried... A lot. I learned to truly laugh, also a lot. I learned how to find beauty in everything but also never forget that ugliness exists too. I learned how to look at myself and not hurt myself. I learned that what others have said about me in the past HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO I AM NOW & that was the biggest takeaway from my self-healing journey.
Gardening is something that I had always wanted to do. I have dreams of owning a farm and enjoying the fruits of my own labor. Well, I started doing just that... but it was a bit of an interesting route. It started with an aloe plant many, many years ago. It died. Houston was just too humid for that baby. So, then my grandpa gave me a "Mother of Thousands" plant and some more aloe in July of 2019. I told myself that I was going to do my best to keep these alive! Well, I can proudly say that two years, and possibly 50+ houseplants and an edible garden later, I kept them alive! Being able to carelessly do what I wanted and being allowed that creative freeness has brought into the light so many new talents. Before I started this journey for myself, my creative outlets all fell flat. Drawing, painting, singing, instruments, creating things... but I freed myself. I took a leap of faith and changed everything I was doing. I am slowly learning piano. I have my own business making and selling candles. I have completed multiple paintings. I have genuinely loved singing again. I started reading books again. I started wandering through nature carelessly again. So many things that I felt I couldn't do all because of my own mind. Some may call it depression, and some may call it laziness. I called it "being lost." Because that is exactly what I was. Lost.
I am not anymore though.
My mind is in a much better place now. I have bad days, but that's what journaling is for. I don't really find myself basking in my own self-pity anymore, and that truly is the biggest milestone I have hit.
I am writing this mainly because my heart is just so full of joy that I cannot contain it anymore. I am genuinely happy. I have such supportive and amazing people in my life. Living my life for myself is the best thing I have ever done.
-A❤
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